Friday, January 15, 2010

Top Ten Signs You've Been Away from the Golf Course Too Long

With the freezing weather that has gripped most of our country for the past several weeks, many people who try to get on the golf course nearly every day have been separated from the fairway for way too long. Temperatures are finally returning to seasonal norms in many places, so perhaps it is finally time to get out the golf clubs and try to play a round. If you get through a hole or two and feel that something is not quite right, here are the top ten indicators that it has been a while since you've played:

10. You forget how to turn on the golf cart.

9. You've forgotten the meaning of “Fore,” and the grave consequences of what a ball zooming by your head means.

8. You start to experience withdrawal from the Lifetime Network movie marathon that your wife sucked you into when the weekends proved too cold to play.

7. You're missing one of the decorative club covers that proudly displays your alma mater.

6. Drinking beer at 8:30am suddenly seems to be an unappealing idea.

5. You decide to use only a couple of clubs in your bag to knock off the rust.

4. You forget the directions to the country club and instead end up on a course that contains a windmill and a giant clown face.

3. Your favorite golf shoes were still covered in mud and had clumps of grass in the cleats from the last round you played.

2. Your partner asks if you want a wedge, and you think he is threatening to do something that you haven't experienced since those awkward days in the middle school locker room.

1. When you finally get your golf ball into the hole, you throw your hands in the air and yell, "Touchdown!"

If any of these symptoms sound familiar, don't panic. Just make sure you are getting back to the golf course as often as possible to fix the problem.

All three of my published novels--Lifetime Loser, Finish Line, and Tuey's Course--take place on a golf course. And, even though they visit the club house every day, some of my characters still are guilty of the problems I listed above!

Watch for Opur's Blade later this spring!

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